Tuesday, 27 May 2008

Amaving Story

Due to foreign tantrums the following transcript has been edited at Mavie's request.

Apart from a one sentence email saying something along the lines of "I made it, being a Man Wolf is
exhausting," this is the first real contact I've had with Mavie since he bailed off to Hungary.

This is unusually brief for a Mavie story but he's packed a lot into it including all the necessary Mavie
story ingredients such as,
  • Lost skateboard
  • Broken machinery
  • Stupid American
  • Water
  • Booze
  • Talking himself out of a bad situation
  • Getting free stuff from stangers
  • Motorcycle adventure
  • Watching a sunrise
  • Nude dudes
Somehow he managed to not mention having a hang over or vomitting at all. This fact, combined with the brief, succinct nature af the story makes me think he has hired a ghost writer.

I should mention that he is lurking around with some dudes who are making a film, I guess his role on set is to not be a pain in the arse and to be a member of the motorcycle gang "The Manwolves" when required. This was his response to my tale of woe regarding me being broke and having a flat tyre on my motorbike.

Last time I got a flat on my XT I was on a dirt road in Costa Rica we'd just jumped
the border and were illegal immigrants...I jacked up my bike with a huge rock (if I
were you I'd use a milk crate) I used plenty of shampoo and a couple of wrenches,
and tyre irons..Tom came back with a patch kit and a random yank in a 4WD showed up
with an electric pump that plugged into the cigarette lighter of his car. Back on the
road in less than an hour. You are extremely lucky that it was probably your back
tyre and you didn't crash. Not to mention you were probably in Melb where you have
everything you need. Its almost the same as changing a flat on a bicycle. Except on
a larger scale. Soap is essential, and check your tyre thouroughly for nails etc.
Maybe drink a beer and get stoked...

This film has been a whirlwind of flat tyres....everyday something completely fucked
happens. The wheels fell off the old German Trubaunt car that is being used in the
film on its way to Slovenia... the producer put petrol in a desiel run van... At one
point the Hungarian half of the crew threaten to walk out...Alex flew over the handle
bars of his tredly, my skate got swallowed by the Danube, Glenn got his face sucked
by the producers lunatic lesbian wife...Jared and Stephen accidently went to the
wrong hotsprings, which turned out to be a gay beat...hand jobs in the steam room??
The lead actor on the other hand is an 18 yr old kid from Cali who knows about
skateboarding and smokig pot..oh and asked me if Australia was close to Barcelona??
err....he was home schooled.
Did I mention that Alex managed to cast Brian Blessed to
play a main role. By far the biggest actor in the film so the entire shoot has been
scheduled around his availabilty...Google him or ask Dave Snow if you're not
familiar. So he fly's in yesterday from London to shoot for two weeks...has a fucking
heart attack on the plane....do I need to continue?

Apart from all this nonsense I did manage to escape for a while on that Suzuki Bandit.
After spending two full nights working as a manwolf in the depths of the largest most
stunningly beuatiful cave system in the world... I rode through the hills and checked
out some more caves recommended by a local champion that gave me a free pass...one
particluar chamber was 147m tall with a raging river running through it that had 26
different waterfalls and a sketchy suspended bridge in the middle. I rode down to the
Slovenia coast to meet up with the mob. Ridiculuosly beuatiful town with Italy to the
right and Croatia to the left. The view was only spoiled by Bollands naked body
prancing around the Square. We swam in the Adriatic while the sun set. Not a bad
evening indeed.

The next day I rode up to Lake Bled, surrounded by Alps, with two castles on an
island in the middle. I was the only one dare swim in its chilly waters. Realising I
was close to the Austrian border.. I figured why not. Off through the Alps I went.
Not aware it was a public holiday I couldn't find a bite to eat anywhere...then the
Austrian Police pulled me over and asked me to show them my first aid kit, which is
apparently compulsary to carry in all vehicles. Thank God I found one under the seat
and talked my way out of a speeding ticket. As I crossed back into Slovenia I came
across a motorcycle gang clubhouse. Situated on the banks of a river with hammocks,
picnic tables a pier and a neon lit cycle pearched on the roof. They called
themselves the "Heavens Devils" They played ACDC, gave me food, beer and a patch and
asked me to stay the night. Sketchy naked photos of whores lined the inside walls and
apparently you could get a hooker half a k up the road for 16 Euro....I ate mushroom
soup, drank a beer and got the hell outta there. I crossed into Croatia and watched
the sun set behind a gas station. 280 km of cold night riding at 140kph through
Hungary and I was home...back in Budapest. One day...four countries?? Rare treat, but
definately not my pace. I'm looking at buying an East German 250 two stroke for the
next chapter. I've seen more sun rises in this country than anywhere else. Night
shooting, all night bathing, strange nocturnal life style.
Hope alls well. Keep punchin. Say hi to all...

Saturday, 17 May 2008

I'm not sorry

My computer has been hanging out with me for too long and is now as disorganised as I am. Which is why my photos are in some weird order that I dont know about.
Here's some older ones that I came across.

Scotland must be full of hilarious dudes and for some reason they keep sending them to stay with me. For example, Gary the Bruce

Mavie AKA (Le Head) is in Budapest now to be a Man Wolf in a film. Before he left this happened...




Lock up your daughters Mavie gave himself the old queer eye for the straight guy treatment. Apparently one of his eyes is a flaming homosexual.

Then he found this leather hat in the back of Dad's car and ruined the grooming that he'd worked so hard on all morning

Then he got tired

Speaking of locking up your daughters I saw this apology, relating to that mentalist who had his secret inbred family locked in the basement, on some random graffiti web site

As you know I rarely apologise for anything but something has occurred for which it is only right that I admit my guilt.
Many years ago, I went on a boozy stag do to Austria and I’m afraid one night, while heavily intoxicated, I shouted out something about locking up your daughters as the Ginger Prince was in town.
Unfortunately, it appears that one of the residents heard my drunken cry and acted a bit too literally on it.
No-one is happier than I am that this situation has finally been resolved after what must have been 24 very difficult years for all involved, and all I can say is I am truly sorry for the ongoing physical and psychological trauma I have caused.

Fucking genius.
And sticking to the genius theme, I ran into Niddy and Brado (the inventor of the holiday letterbox) at the black tshirts and folded arms party. Niddy got given a fat lip for stealing Mavie's snout

Ralph surprised Dave with an unexpected shelving at the white Tshirts and three day growth party

Here's a young shirtless Kenny Rogers telling Antonio Banderas when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em.

Me and Mum made this picture of Jean Simmonds

Here's Lates learning how to be a total arse hole.
Step 1. Get crotch rocket with personlised number plate. (Please note number plate that references drug taking and/or partying is optional but highly recommended.)

No idea how this got on my camera but I'm glad it did. Fashion towels are gonna be huge at Saint Jerome's soon, maybe even bigger than the flamboyant neck wear that was so popular last winter (and for some reason also during summer for those awesome tight pant dudes who are so cool that they dont realise its 38 degrees)

When there are no whole chickens around Al is happy to resort to the nutritional splendor of a saggy bag

According to the latest research out of Le Institute De Spazztard if you skate vert you will end up like these dudes. I'm going to look for my pads.

Did anyone forget that Sam Newman has Pamela Anderson's face covering his whole house

Here's Scotty getting into yet another girls pants... this time she wasn't in them though

Speaking of girls pants I'm sure there was millions of damp ones at the Iron Maiden concert. Actually concert is a bad description, it was more of a lifestyle. Best thing I've ever seen.
I swapped this cake

For this ticket (Thanks Jill)

I went with this couple of leathbians

We knew the booze situation at these things is a night mare so we all took hip flasks which were empty before the first song

This dude asked us for a cigarette and we were so stoked on his entire set up that we gave him two... please note Eddie slaying kangaroos at Ayer's Rock on his Tshirt

There were fuck loads of Brian Maidens there. METAL

The crowd was amazing. 99% black Tshirts. A few stand outs included a skinny kid wearing a tshirt that said "This dude loves the cock" with and arrow pointing at his metalhead buddy that was happily walking along next to him. Another guy had a classified ad printed on his shirt. Apparently he was trying to sell his wife.

Here's a picture of Lates making sure Mixa, or M6 as I like to call him, doesn't have any wardrobe malfunctions

Cheese has been getting into unnessessary courteous reach arounds

Lates on the shoe phone

Unfortunately those Nikea batteries dont last too long so he had to finish ordering his pizza Kveta's shoe phone

Ladies and gentlemen I'd like to present my favourite party stalwart Kaz.

The doctor is IN

Here's some pics from Kaz and Mavie's birthday scenario
I guess I got pretty blind

Me and Mavie reversed roles for the night.

Dave grew tits

Ruth got all bummed at me for asking Milli Vanilli if I could borrow a microphone

Mavie and Keegan slept together if you know what I mean

Shop window sign

The steed currently has a flat tyre. First one on my motorbike. To go with the 5 others that I've had this year on my push bike. I think I've been cursed by Dunlord the god of inflatable objects.